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Offers Offers Everywhere but not a Cent to Spend.

2007-10-17

I woke up this morning to a ringing phone, not the most pleasant way to wake up (phones do not bring you breakfast). I did not answer it because I did not recognize the number, so it went to voicemail. Turn out it was a job offer. I had tested and interviewed with a large technology corporation in town about two Weeks ago and it turns out that they want me. It was the longest interview process I had ever been through. Before I came into the interview I was told they wanted me to fill out an online application and do some testing. I complete the application and go on to the testing portion of things. They tested vocabulary, personality, business terms, analogies, mechanical terms and general interest. That all took about two hours.

The next morning I report to the interview at ten thirty. I am escorted into a computer lab and told I will be testing some more. Okay. So I spend the next hour testing numeric patters, spatial relationships and math. Now I went up to Calculus II in college, but this was freaking hard math. the excerpt at the top of the test was, "taken from the National Air Traffic Control Exam." Jeeze. so I finish that and they analyze my score, then ask if I have time to meet with a Recruiter. Sure. She interviews me for thirty minutes. Then she tells me she has some more tests for me. The tests include a 100 question exam on office ethics and a short answer essay test on professional goals and accomplishments. I finish the testing and am asked if I can interview with the department supervisors. Of course I can. Two of them show up and we interview for about twenty minutes. Then they ask me if I can interview with the department manager! So we all traipse up to the department where they show me around. Then I interview with the manager. All of the interviews are going extremely well. At the end of this interview the manager says,"I wish I had the power to hire you today but that is up to recruiting, but I am going to approve your paperwork and escort you back down to HR." Not bad. So we head back down stairs and say our goodbyes. The HR clerk hands me a piece of paperwork and says," This is the next step of the process. "Please go home and complete the step by taking this phone interview." So after four hours at the "Interview" I head home to complete the interview. The phone interview takes about twenty minutes and asks mostly about criminal charges and credit history. At the end of it the chick says," Okay now please go to such and such address and obtain a drug test." Nice.

...Now I'm hearing back from them, but I'm already interested in an other position with the hospital. I have an interview today at three. I spoke with the director of nursing at the facility and she was very excited about my experience. I told her that I was looking for a full time nigh shift position. Now I can not help but feel confident after her reply, "I'm sure anything can be arranged." I'm hopeful.

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Mental health star of honor.

2007-10-15

I went to see my psychiatrist today. Unfortunately a rain of Biblical proportion was beating down on me. His office is about twenty miles away from where I live. I had not seen him in over a month so I was interested in seeing what he had to say. I told him about the port incident yesterday and he just laughed at me, he said it is okay for me to drink again. Not that I want to go get hammered and dance on a table or anything, just a beer with frito chili pie would be nice now that things are cooling off.

Anyways. He seems to think that my meds have evened me out and that I should be experiencing a time of relative calm. Good news. He told me that he was proud of me and gave me a gold star sticker and told me to come back in six months. It is such a change from April, I feel like a new person. I'm down from nine psychotropic meds a day to only four. It makes such a huge change to not be drugged out of my mind.

I even dropped by the psychiatric ward to say hi, every one knows me there because I practically lived there for six months. All the aides said how good I looked and that they were happy to not have seen me in a while. I stoped by the ER too. Turns out that they are in need of a med tech to work night shift. My nursing experience makes me a really good candidate, they are suppose to get in touch with me later this week. I have not worked for a while, since before I got married. My last job was as a med tech in the ICU. Things are looking up.

Fun Facts From Betty's almanac: When you burn the roof of your mouth on hot coffee the coffee cools at a rate so fast that by the time you are able to take another sip, it is already cold.

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Arizona Dreaming.

2007-10-14

I grew up in Arizona, at least from age 3 to 12. We lived in a suburb of Phoenix called Glendale. Because of this I know a lot about Arizona history and various flora and fauna. Gila monsters, cactus and the Sonoran desert.The area was about 5 years old, beyond our backyard was miles and miles of undeveloped desert. The sunsets were mind blowing and made up for the fact that occasionally there were scorpions in your shoes. Lots of things happened in that desert. My first cigarette, my first dirt bike ride and the first time I saw a picture of a naked man. When I was about 10 I accidentally set the house across the street on fire. The neighbor boy and I were playing with matches behind the tall retaining wall. The dry brush ignited instantly and quickly got out of hand. We went crying to my parents and told them a passing car, full of teenagers, had thrown a lit cigarette and caused the whole deal. No one was the wiser, I though I would definitely go to Hell for that one.

I guess I'm thinking about all of this because I woke up feeling like I had swallowed a prickly pear cactus. I did not wake up until 12 pm, and I woke up alone. Not unusual since my husband is a Paramedic and works 24 hour shifts. But this was different, he was off. I found him on the couch. He said his back had been hurting him and he though the couch might help. He then went to lay back down in the bed. Until 5 pm when I woke him up.

I was upset, it seemed like all he ever did was sleep. When was the last time we went out to dinner? When was the last time we did anything together? When was the last time I felt the spark of romance? It had been a while. We quickly started arguing about all of the above. Things hit a sour note when he called me an F-ing bitch and took off to God knows where. What did I do? I had my first drink in over 8 months. The doctors had told me not to drink until they said things were stable enough. I though F it, I'm an F-ing bitch I might as well act like one.

In the end we both ended up crying and apologizing. I still feel like a grade-A Jackass though. I drank half a bottle of Port for God's sake. It was so syrupy sweet I almost gagged as I chugged it down. My throat is not feeling any better.

Fun facts from Betty's almanac: Ten year old Port is best consumed with chocolate, not vindictive anger.

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Betty's Palm Reading and Car Inspection.

2007-10-14

Being Bipolar is full of the unexpected. Like the time the birds told me to turn the backyard into and estuary, they also wanted me to paint pictures of them with my own paint made from berries and tree bark. That one ended in a hospitalization. Oh, and the time I had and itch on my leg that I scratched until it was bleeding. Another hospitalization. Or the time lighting myself on fire seemed like a good idea. You guessed it, hospitalization.

All in all since April when I was diagnosed there have been four hospitalizations, 23 different medications and 3 manic episodes. It has been a bit of a battle.

I'm 24 years old, married and live in a college town in Texas. It's not UT. Or Tech. The other one. The one where the color that is not quite red and not quite brown is permanently plastered on every building, T-shirt and flip flop. Think of Lassie dogs. Until recently, April, I was a nursing student. That is no more. I have not clue what to do with myself now. I have always been driven, focused and goal oriented. Now I see my Psychiatrist once a month, my Therapist every other week and take my meds three times a day. My Psychiatrist likes to call me "My little borderline," as I am also diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder. How sweet.

My friend Charlotte says I'm doing better. I feel better, but not the same. I kind of doubt that I will ever feel exactly the way I used to. Maybe that is a good thing. Now I live more in the moment, because I never know when thing will take a swing up or down. I'm much more aware of my thoughts and feelings, scanning them for clues (Is that manic-y?). I sleep more and have dreams more vivid than I can explain. Things are just different. I'm learning to accept that. Wish me luck, Okay?

Fun facts from Betty's almanac: I was driving through Austin the other day and I saw a sign that said, "Palm Readings and Car Inspections." Why did I not think of that?

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